Everyone, if I sound hostile right now, please forgive me, its only been a month. And I know I got off easy compared to some of you... I just hate this. Those kids are all I know.
Here's what I sent her.
Here is my whole story. While I am not innocent in any of this, I do
feel losing my kids was far to high a price to pay for my sins.
I was just shy of 17 years old I began speaking to a local pastor's son
long distance. He lived in Ohio and I in New York. His little brother
and I were very good friends when we were kids. This was how I began my
relationship with David Oravec. This is where my nightmare starts.
several months of telephone flirtation he invited me to take a bus to
his house in Ohio. I did. I came from a bad background. My mom just quit
being a parent after my dad left, I had already dropped out of school. I
had no real relationship with my father or sisters. I was a bit of a
rebel. So I left to visit David in Ohio, and didn't come back to NY.
He was wonderful in the beginning. Strong and confident, assertive and
motivated. This was so refreshing from the mess I just came from. I
moved in with him in August 1995 He hit me the first time on May 27,
1996. It was a slap across the face at camp in front of his best friend
who did nothing.
It was that very weekend I got pregnant with our
first child, Dylan. Again, Dave's father was a preacher so I was
coerced, 'encouraged' and then finally threatened into marrying David. I
was 18 when I married him and 6 months pregnant. And through the
pregnancy i was beaten, punished, 'taught' lessons. And the cycle began.
7 years of this. It was so bizarre and went day to day based on what he
wanted. First I didn't work at all, then he forced me to get a job
which I would have for a week or two, then he would make me quit or I
would get fired for having to leave early to get the kids from the
closing daycare. I got to enroll in school only for David to force me to
quit 2 weeks before the term started. He forced me out of school to get
a job which I got fired from after 3 weeks because I had no one to
watch my 2 year old and newborn.
He really like pouncing on me when i
I was forced into 3 abortions by him through our
marriage which hindsight, I thank god for. 3 more kids to mess up???
in December of 2001 my husband had his older brother Dan move in. I
figured this was going to be double the abuse. I was wrong. after a few
months of Dan being there he showed compassion and kindness. I began
having an affair with him.
When David found out he busted me up
pretty good. And I ended up in jail because I had ran away from the
house, Dave called the police and made a report that even the officer
didn't believe. I did break the rails on the stairs. I did do that. But
Dave told them I held a knife to him.
That day: here is the truth of
We had began fighting over chip dip. Our bedroom was
upstairs and he brought the chips up to bed to eat. He left it out. He
told me to go down and put it away. I refused. I was exhausted and half
asleep already. I was 2 days past from having the final abortion and I
was still bleeding very heavy. He told me again to put it away and when I
refused the second time I got a remote control thrown at my head.
That's when I was held hostage for 3 days. He broke my leg.
third day he flipped out. I swear of all the times he ever hit me,
kicked me, choked me, anything I was never more afraid than that day he
began beating himself. he pulled his own hair out of his head. He banged
his own head against the door frame. He scratched himself. and then he
bit himself. He told me if I ran he would call the cops and say I
stabbed him. He grabbed a steak knife and held it over his hand. I ran. I
ran in January on a broken leg, and bleeding.
He called the police,
true to his word. We both got arrested that day. Him for a harassment
and me for assault. On my children I never touched that man. He's HUGE.
6'2" to my 5'5. He;s in the military, I am all of 95 lbs. I was
terrified of him and his punishments,
So I went to jail for 3 days.
He got R.O.R.ed. I got $500 bail. His parents knew judge restano. I
didn't have anybody.
But his brother Dan, whom I had the affair with
came to my rescue. He bailed me out of jail. He moved me and my kids in
with him. And as stupid as it was at the time I can honestly tell you I
have no strength or power to say no or stop at that point I was
I started therapy. I was introduced to a brand new term to
me called PTSD. I stayed with Dan in a romantic arena. He was what I
needed I guess at that time. I was so screwed up. I didn't sleep. I
cried all the time. My kids were a wreck. I was scared of everyone. I
didn't leave my house. Then I got put on medication. and more therapy.
year after the divorce, David filed for custody of my kids. We settle
this case on joint custody week to week access. The law guardian said if
I didn't settle I would lose the kids all together. I settled. As soon
as I left the courtroom that day I knew I made a bad decision. I had won
the kids in the divorce. I was so naive back then. I still am, but a
little more educated and less optimistic.
So I began my campaign to
get them back home. Petition after petition dismissed. Finally I got a
trial. Dave counter sued. 4 years of back and forth. He won. Based on
his parents money, his parents availability and his parents position in
life. I was deemed less credible. Not an unfit parent, but the less fit
parent. David was labeled as being intellectually and emotionally
superior. The judge even said "The father seems motivated to be
independent, however he has the added advantage of having his parents to
How can you contradict yourself like that?
the course of the 4 year trial, I had met the man I had been looking for
my whole life. I left Dan after 6 years of being with him and married
Joe. (it sounds sappy but he truly is my soulmate). David had also began
dating a woman named Kristen whom I went to high school with. He met
her in November and she was pregnant by december2008. They married in
June 2009. He is beating her now. The kids see it all.
and My daughter Olivia hate him. When the week to week custody thing
happened my Livie began wetting the bed. Now she is defecating during
the day. Not just wetting but actually soiling herself. I am not allowed
to take her to a doctor. When we had joint custody week to week she was
in therapy that I kept secret for over a year. When Dave found out he
wrote the therapist and said he never agreed to get her therapy.
found a new therapist, and Then custody was awarded to him so she can't
see Dr. Bongivanni now either.
I have a 5 year old daughter as
well, not from David but from Dan. Dylan and Livie never get to see her
I was awarded "Significant visitation" of Tuesday, Thursday and
every other weekend. That is way more than most mom's get in my case.
Way more. And while I'm grateful for that, I have never really been
apart from them. Even during the week to week thing with dave he bailed
on most of his times. I always had them. I have been their primary care
giver since birth! How the hell does this happen??
I have no record
save the DV from my marriage! He has been arrested for possession of
heroin, DWI, speeding doing 97 in a 40! I don't even have a parking
He has a DV record that goes back to Ohio!
HOW DO THEY
My daughter is threatening suicide. My son is
I have an appeal in but WHAT DO I DO?
have tried finding help here and and all we have is the Y.